Some Joke

Today I was chatting with my colleague. The topic eventually turned towards our college life. He was mentioning about a chemistry lecturer who had "Englishphobia". I found it really funny. Here are some snippets.

In the chemistry lab some guy was supposed to mix some acid with some other. This should be done drop by drop. But our guy tried to pour it at one shot. Lecturer spotted it and the following statement says the rest,

Lecturer : Guy !! Don't POUR !!!! POUR POUr POur Pour pour pou ....!!!! :)

In yet another situation, some guys were disturbing this lecturer's class by making funny sound. Unfortunately the sharp lecturer spotted a particular guy in that group.

Lecturer : Hey you !!Stand up....

A guy in the front bench thought he is being called,

Front Bencher:Sir,me ???

Lecturer : Not 'me' !!!! Behind 'me' !!!! :)

In some other situation he wanted a guy a get out of his class. But poor lecturer,he didn't know how to tell it. So he went out of the class;Stood there;called that guy out.

Lecturer: U stand here !!I go inside !! :)

Hehehe!! Define Love??

Being in India, I had enough theories about love through all these bollywood,kollywood,tollywood,huhh....I am tired...let me put it as *woods. Love sequence is mandatory in every Indian movie without which it will be termed as a documentary and screened only in some film festivals that is conducted by the intellectuals for the intellectuals. Anyway I will discuss about it in some other post. Currently lets focus on the so called divine entity, "Love".

Recently you must have come across an advertisement on TV starring Madhavan and Vidyabalan. They do something cryptic to express their love (Obviously acting!!), to promote Airtel(mobile service provider),whose tag line itself is "Express yourself". For me it is just yet another advertisement. True, they seem to be a good pair but nothing else appeals to my small or non-existent brain.

But one of my friend finds something extraordinary in that advertisement. Let me introduce him as "Lover boy", that is how he is known to many. He is all in smiles whenever he sees that ad. It is so weird to me. I couldn't understand his reactions. When asked, he said he could understand some chemistry that is similar to something that happened in his life..

Me : Hehe Don't lie da!!U flunked in that subject when in school..hahahaha..
Lover boy: Grrr..I am talking about the love chemistry ..
Me : Oh sorry. I flunked in it. So its beyond my understanding.
Lover boy: Ya,you can't understand until you get committed.
Me : Dude !!then there is no chance for me to understand that. You are committed,so can you please define it??
Lover Boy: Its a feeling da..
Me : Oh Ho..Is it similar to the feeling you get when you see Mallika Sherawat or shreya on screen ??
Lover Boy: Idiot !!! Its a feeling form the heart. When you see your girlfriend or when you get a call from her number you feel a jerk in your heart. Some reactions happen in your body. Your heart starts beating really fast;you struggle for words..
Me : Ohhhh yaaaaa!!! Wait wait wait....I clearly understood. Recently scientists have discovered a new disease called "Cardiovascular hemo pulmuno acute deficiency syndrome". I guess you are suffering from this disease. Please meet a good cardiologist. Hahahahhhh!!!

Rest of the conversation,
@###@$$$%%...wait let me explain..you idiot %$$#&&*...no no no...my mistake to consider u as serious **$$#&**#@@@..no past please.. ##@#$%%^##@@..calm down dude... no way %$$###%&&**..that defies logic ha ha...finally bam bush!!!

Though I could not write everything that happened, I would rate it as a good time pass. I know that it is impossible to define love. If it is defined, I am sure that our Indian movie industry's future will be in doldrums.

Shopping online !!!

I don't want to start conventionally by saying "In this era of information technology ...blah..blah...online trading is a new fascination..blah..blah". It happened last December when I came to know about an online shopping website which offered unbelievable discounts on products in my all time "wish list". It was a new venture and no doubt, their offers are certain products were really attractive. I never traded online as I have heard stories of people receiving bricks instead of the expected mp3 player. Now I don't understand one thing.Why these guys parcel bricks.They are heavy hence attract more freight charges right ?? A better idea would be to mail a sheet of paper with a brick diagram in it. Thats more profitable and it really enrages the receiver.

As the main office of that particular website is in Bangalore I decided to give it a try. After verifying that the office actually exist I ordered an iPod. Bingo !!!! I received it within 2 days, well in advance than the promised 7 days delivery time.
I got good discount, reward points, gift vouchers.
Feedback asked - I replied "U guys rock!!" (I was rewarded with one more gift voucher ;) )

After a month I ordered a digital camera which I received only on the last day of the mentioned deadline i.e. the 7th day. Fine, not a problem as long as i receive it within the stipulated time. Not much of discounts and misc stuffs this time.
Feedback asked - I replied "Ok.but you guys can improve"(I did not get any points for this)

One of my friend who had similar online shopping phobia heard about my success and inquired about the latest deals posted. He wished to purchase a digital camera and asked if I could help by ordering it using my credit card. I agreed to that and ordered one last month. It was a long wait. I almost forgot that I ordered one until my friend reminded me of that. I contacted their customer support officer,

conversation()
{
Voice : welcome to "".How may i assist u?
Me : I ordered a digital camera .Here is my order no.Can u update about the progress?
Voice : Definitely sir. One moment.
After a while,
Voice: Regret to say that we couldn't meet the deadline. The item will be shipped by today. You will receive it by tomorrow,sir.
Me : Oh cool.thanks.
Voice: welcome sir
}

But I did not receive anything the next day and I called up again.
conversation()
I waited and again rang up on the third day. I really got irritated as I already received my credit card bill and my payment date was imminent. I still got the same conversation()
On the fourth day I decided to cancel the order.Called them up,

Voice : welcome to "".How may i assist u?
Me : I ordered a digital camera .Here is my order no.Can u update about the progress?
Voice : Definitely sir. One moment.
After a while,
Voice: Regret to say that we couldn't meet the deadline. The item will be shipped by today. You will receive it by tomorrow,sir.
Me : This was the same reply I am getting for the past three days.
Voice : Whom do you talk to ?
Me : I don't remember the names.
Voice : Male or female?
Me : Male voice, I guess.
Voice : Its not me then (Obviously!!!!I am mature enough to identify male and female voice)
Me : But day before yesterday I spoke with a female voice only. Was that you?
Voice : No sir (Why did you ask this question. Is it gonna help me in anyway ?)
Me : What about my order???
Voice : You'll definitely receive it tomorrow.
Me : You know "Tomorrow never comes".
Voice : With us it will come sir.
Me : Hmm. Let me see.
Voice : Sure.Any other thing ?
Me : whats your name ?I have to quote it tomorrow.

I got the name and had two more days of heated conversation with her to cancel the order. Finally I managed to cancel the order just before the due date of my credit card bill. When I visited the site yesterday i saw that the delivery time of all the products has been changed from 7 days to 15 days.

In my opinion this website guys had a really good start. But failed to keep up the momentum. I decided not to shop on that website again. One more lesson I learned is,simply don't use the credit card everywhere. That may land you in worst troubles.